Another week, another episode, and more “real” news I’m going to share with you. Watching last nights episode was pretty much like watching the continuous antics of Sabrina, the cow, and Matts determination to prove himself to his family, or does he? Let’s “Bear with me” as I recap Alaskan Bush People.
We start off with Bear and Bird sleeping out nightly watching Sabrina around the clock, really? In the distance they hear “snap crackle pop”. They way they have that cow penned up, I’m not surprised, Sabrina wouldn’t have to jump the fence, she could just walk through the gaps! The usual ‘drama’ Discovery Channel just loves to have us on the edge of our seat.
Miles away, Matt is frustrated because he’s hungry and can’t find food for his family. “Not returning with a deer is a total failure”, he says. Matt is definitely trying to prove himself to his parents, family, and himself, but he is completely down on himself. While he’s talking about having to find a deer today, he starts fishing and hooks a salmon. I’m sure he’s starving at this point because he immediately starts a fire, and roasts salmon.
Back at Brownton, ‘Bear’, the most, absolute, nut on this show, is gathering eggs so he can make ‘caveman style eggs’. In other words, he’s making scrambled eggs. He loves to act out and not just stir the eggs but beat the crap out of them. He doesn’t just crack an egg, because he’s a self proclaimed “best Bush chef ” in the family. He uses his hands to break the eggs into the pan over the outside fire, it’s a point for Bear to be the first at everything, including getting shells in the eggs, and being obnoxious. Ugh!
Meanwhile Matt is looking at certain small trees and starts using his tactics with a blade of grass to call a deer. He sees another doe, I looked and looked and didn’t see any doe running or even being killed by Matt? Matt guts the deer open, takes his heart and kidneys out, while placing blood onto his face. Matt has decided hes going to haul this very heavy deer back to Brownton tonight. Hmmm…Matt you have a backpack, provisions, and a tarp, plus a deer…okay! Just remember he only took out the heart and kidneys…didn’t hang it to drain it, everything you do to get it ready to eat. Remember this at the end.
Back at Brownton we are again focusing on Bear, self proclaimed ‘caveman’, is running all over the place. The creek, for red clay, and the bushes for berries, red and blue. Why do you ask? The crazy man, wants to paint, yes paint, his treehouse red with berries and red clay. Now I know if you enter Noahs, the self proclaimed genius, cabin he’s got paint, but Bear wants us to believe they’re so far from the ‘real world’ that they can’t get paint. Let’s remember when Bear was at a pizzeria and he had to make a phone call, he pretended he didn’t know how to talk or hang up a phone. Considering, as I said last week, that they’re always on the internet and Twitter, I know they’re closer to the ‘real world’ than they want us to believe. Just my opinion.
So back to Bear. Red is his favorite color, and says it’s like “danger”! He doesn’t just stir the berries, and other ingredients, he attacks them in a bucket like he’s running on 10 cups of coffee a day!
Now we’re in the coral with Bird, Gabe and Bam. I thought this family had a million chores a day. For days they’ve been focusing night and day on this cow.
So let’s really see where they got Sabrina, the cow. I think you remember, last week Billy said he decided to “buy a cow”, correct? No, not really Bush fans.
According Lynden Tribune Sabrina, the cow, had been cast for “Alaskan Bush People.” Hans Wolfisberg, owner of Edelweiss Dairy, was first contacted by producers of the show. They were in need of a cow, and the Wolfisbergs were in supply. During August when the show started taping, the family traveled 1,600 miles to Juneau depositing the cow and going over everything it would need. After moving Sabrina to Alaska, she would stay with the Brown family for a month while video footage was shot, before being adopted by an Alaskan local to live out the remainder of her life.
REALLY?! Where did Billy say he was getting the cow last week? HOONAH! Was it suggested this was a temporary seasonal cow never to be seen again? No! He said to the family, “I’ve decided to adopt a cow so we can have milk and cheese”. Then everyone started acting like they’ve never had milk or cheese. I don’t think there is anything the Brown family or Park Slope Productions won’t lie about to make us believe they’ve lived and breathed the Bush all their lives. It makes us, the viewers look like “they’ll believe anything we tell them” not anymore!
Back to recapping. Bird is Sabrina’s mommy and she’s noticing Sabrina is agitated. I wonder why in the wilderness full of bears, and other creatures who would love to eat a cow? Bam and Gabe see a bear, try to scare it away, and finally fires a warning shot into the air to scare it. Billy and his clan decide its time to make a bear proof barn. So what does Billy say, “Let’s get to it!” Again, another job you’ll never see Billy working on. Gabe wants it up before nightfall. He’s in such a rush nothing he’s doing is matching up, like the perfect planks of wood. Bam and Bird feel as if he’s making it worse, and are making fun of him because he jumps feet first, instead of using figures on paper. They have green sheets of what looks like an old shed. They don’t want to stay up with the cow again. They’re running out of time and Gabe says it was his fault so he decides to stay up with the cow. Birdie comes out with him, Gabe starts a fire and she brings rolls and butter to keep him up. She says they have each other’s backs, and Gabe believe they’ve always had a close relationship.
Now into Noahs cabin, “I’m the creative guy, the bush has given me definition, I’m the innovator and pretty good at it”. Ami wants him to make a butter churner for their milk. I can’t understand half of what he is saying, take my word. I also never know where he gets his equipment? Enter butter churner into the kitchen with Billy and Ami. Acting as if they’re having a ‘love fest’ in their kitchen with each other and butter.
Back to ‘caveman’ Bear. Rainy is using a moss paint brush…all they’ve supposedly done they don’t have a paint roller? His entire tree house is now covered inside with Berry Red, including throwing berries against the wall.
Matt is having a hard time in the bush, it’s nighttime, and has no idea where he is. He decides to hang the deer because he no longer can drag it. He also keeps hearing movement and believes a bear has been following him. He takes fat from the deer and a piece of his shirt to start a fire. Matt is 3 miles outside of Browntown, it’s raining so he has to make it through the night. He sees and hears the bear, it looks like he shooting a flare into the air, plus he uses his voice to scare it off. Like I said another cow, bear, and deer show.
In conclusion: The cows, 12 x 16 small cow barn has finally been built. The ceiling is tarp, the walls are aluminum green or blue? Posts and planks of wood holding it up. As usually whatever job the Browns seem to be doing always falls apart in the middle, but at the end, it’s just perfect! Matt comes home looking like he’s going to die, with a deer in a tarp being pulled. Hugs all around, Billy is so proud of Matt and Matt says, “I proved it to myself I could do it and I got meat for my family”. They’re all sitting by the campfire and within 2 min, with everyone howling, “Let’s eat!”.
No way… lets put this whole deer in perspective, because this is not how you kill a deer and then make us think you can eat it as if bought at the butcher! This deer was not skinned, completely gutted and hung for 2 days, yet we are supposed to believe Matt got cleaned up, and by the magic of the Bush they are all ready to eat in the same day? Come on Discovery Channel, give us a break.
Until next week, enjoy the little things that keep showing the Browns who they really are. I really enjoyed the comments from last week and I promise to reply to a couple of you. I totally understand…