Alaskan Bush People recap, “Judgement Day” should have been called “Grouse Bird Hunting”, more into that. As usual Brownton Abbey starts off with “have to fix everything up before we come back from 30 days away from our family”. As each week of this season has gone, what have we heard, “The Browns have taken advantage of the early warm, spring weather…” Is there ever any other intro to say?
Here we go with the narrator trying to excuse the Browns from “Despite living in Alaska for over 30 years ( a lie)…the family decided to take a deal in order to save the family, or the case could be in the court system for years!” I have a problem with that statement from Discovery Channel. If the family wasn’t guilty, which they were since they haven’t lived in Alaska for a solid 30 years, they would have fought and fought, no matter how long it took. Yet their show was more important to keep going than proving their innocence, but you can’t prove innocence when you never had proof you lived in AK for ‘over 30 years’.
Does it bother anyone else that since the very first episode of this show every single time a commercial ends, the narrator basically recaps the entire episode up to that point? Either they really don’t have that much “lost dump dwelling footage” or the producers just think the entire ABP audience is as uneducated.
We are on to the EXXTREMME Bear wild side! Does he ALWAYS have to look like a beast to go hunting and howling!? Just asking…
With Spring here (again repeated) Bam and Billy now only have 3 short days, only 72 hours! Billy says, “With the days we have left I want to finish up projects”. Billy finishing up projects? Considering he is on crutches, I would use the statement, ‘I want my kids to finish up the projects’. I don’t know enough about Bush Orthopedics to say enough about this ‘Prognosis: Bullshit’. Anyhoo, Billy will be on Injured Reserve for at least a month, which is no loss to anyone. Billy’s next scamming job could be as a Bush Psychic Medium.
Bam and Bear are now going ‘Grouse’ hunting, since it is the season and the birds are mating. Bam just keeps saying, “It’s my last chance to hunt and we’re testing the hunt with a Trebuchet”. Apparently, ‘Grouse Birds’ stay high in the trees so shooting a gun usually don’t hit them…but a Trebuchet?
We’re now with Matt and his sisters who want to build a greenhouse, saying, “we’ll have so many vegetables when we come back from Juneau!” They’re not going to jail? Also just a note, a full harvest of vegetables don’t grow that quickly either. Back to Matt. He has an obsession, or rather a ‘mad love’ for plastic wrap, “it’s the future!” As he laughs like Dr. Frankenstein! Just for kicks and giggles, Matt, plastic wrap has been around for some time now! Rain, Birdie, and Matt are wrapping the greenhouse and taking plastic wrap to new heights!
Billy is really concerned about Bam’s temper while being locked away for 30 days. He says he’ll keep him busy so that he doesn’t get into any fights because, as Billy says, “He’s tightly wound!”
Narrator again keeps bringing up the days, hours and minutes before the BIG day, “In just 48 hours the family will be pulled away from the ONLY thing and way of life they know” Ding, ding, ding! Their only way of life? Opinion: This family lives in Hoonah at night, and production only happens during the day. According to the REAL papers in the court system, the Browns have lived all over the 48 contiguous states! So Discovery Channel please don’t think we are stupid! You have made this family out to be something they’re not.
Back to Brownton, home shore. Bam and Bear are STILL going on that forever ‘Grouse Bird’ hunting. Bears mission is to loosen up Bam before the next 48 hours, there’s that time again. He is using an ATV from his friend Todd that we met while Birdie was driving his vehicle onto a barge. Bear is trying to get Bam to look like an idiot wearing mud all over his face, and he won’t, good for you Bam!
Matt is still using ‘plastic wrap and ceiling joists’ for the big sun house, and Matt is still seriously acting like a scene from ‘Dr. Frankenstein’, I know I’m repeating myself now but this is not rocket science Matt! You will not get the Nobel Peace Prize for wrapping plastic wrap! The hysterics and overall not acting like a 33 year old is unbecoming, no news there.
Noah the so called ‘genius in his own mind’ wants to take Brownton Abbey to new heights not seen by the worlds eyes, and wants to make a washer out of 2 stainless steel bins, hooked up to water spouts. Now If this was a ‘real’ show, and Noah actually did all these experiments on his own, I would give him a lot of credit. Yet he’s so blinded by the production crew coming up with these so called, Discovery Channel nonsense experiments, he actually believes he’s completing them in full goth gear, hat, braid and all! He would have made a great hippie from Haight-Ashbury in San Francisco…especially the smell from the same clothing he wears daily. Noah has another problem with his body. He uses a cane for God knows what, considering he’s been like that since the first season, and now by hammering a nail he hurt his wrist. He’s a walking injury waiting to happen daily; but because he can’t do this great and mighty project alone, Gabe has been asked (told) to help. As Noah says in his ever annoying, whiney, mumbling, mouth full of crooked teeth, accent, “I don’t like working with anyone, but I have to if I’m going to get this washer completed before we leave”. There’s that ‘we’re all leaving!” statement. No Bam and Billy are leaving for jail, Discovery Channel is choosing the entire family to leave with them.
Back to Bear and Bam who are using a logging road for their never ending Grouse Bird hunting. According to Bam, a grouse is similar to a wild chicken and only found on main land. A grouse hears a lot by sound, because in mating season a female will whistle back to the male. Sounds a lot like how females act in a singles bar…At this point of the ‘Grouse Hunting Discovery Show’ there is no sign of bird hunting, let alone any hunting, no shocker here!
Billy and Bear had an agenda for the hunt, it was more of a bounding experience for the boys. Billy is still worried about Bam loosing his mind by being locked up. Bear and Bam have a pow wow, and Bear is trying to get into Bams head by reassuring him if he keeps it to himself he’ll be fine.
Narrator again: “Each week Billy goes to Hoonah to speak to his lawyer about the upcoming 30 days of jail time. The lawyer is optimistic that the judge will allow them to stay at their homestead using an ankle bracelet”. Why Discovery Channel put that in as a possibility when the judge didn’t even allow it on the table, I don’t know why it wasn’t edited out?
Why we’re back to the boys and their grouse hunting, is beyond me! We’ve been watching 2 adult boys hunting, which I use the word loosely, for a bird that hasn’t even been sighted and is now over kill. Bear says grouse birds are just like the way he operates, high up in a tree. Yet they’re still in ‘hot’ pursuit of grouse. Narrator (again): “Bam is getting closer and closer to the day where he’ll be leaving Brownton” WE KNOW! Bear is continuing to give Bam advice! He’s giving Bam advice. The crazy extreemme, howling, rolling in dirt, wound up, who’s acting like he’s been to jail within the last few days. Bear tells Bam he’s going to step up and that everyone will be proud of how he takes care of everything. With that, the grouse hunting has finally come to an end! Thank God!
Noah is now, with Gabe acting like he’s the only one doing work, finishing the washer before the eminent jail time…again, who’s going to jail? Can these boys and girls not function without Billy and Bam? Both of them are welding a bicycle chain to an electric motor. I get the old bicycle chain, and I’m assuming he ‘found’ electric motors at the junkyard, but I still don’t get the details on how he made it work? I just can’t understand him? There is more to this ‘washer’ than just a chain and motor.
Brownton is getting ready to leave and when they return, none of them want what happened last season with a bear destroying their home. So Matt is setting up flares to deter any animal, I think. Gabe is taking off steps so no bear can get into their homstead. Think about that logically. Bears go to rivers and will destroy anything they want in order to eat, remember they catch salmon swimming upstream. Bears jump on each other to fight. Does Gabe actually think taking off stairs will distract a bear from tearing down a cabins front door? Who comes up with these dumb ideas!
Billy and his clan decide to take a piece of home with them before leaving for Juneau, not sure what he picked, but again, it’s 30 days! Not a year, not even 3 months, 30 days! Brownton Abbey set will still be there after 30 days.
They all say goodbye and get into the ‘Integrity’ for Juneau. As usual Rain is always the positive one. Ami is the most emotional and tells Billy, “I love you, you’ve always taken care of me.” With that Billy says, that’s all he needed to hear. He also says, “We stay together, stick together and we’ll see you all in a month”. Bam and Billy start hugging everyone goodbye and in the back of Billy’s mind, he still thinks the judge will allow them to wear ankle bracelets while they work on the show, wishful thinking.
As Bam and Billy wave everyone off into the sunset, Bear and everyone start to howl, including Birdie, I was a little surprised Ami didn’t do the same. Ami continues to be emotional and tells Billy over and over, “I love you”.
Stay tuned for next week when Billy and Bam find out where their true destination is for 30 days. Thanks for always being fans of Reality Tv Scandals and keep those comments coming! They are always read and we do care.