Alaskan Bush People Season 4: Episode 2 “Driving Miss Rainy”

We’re back! Alaskan Bush People are now in their 4th Season and episode 2 “Driving Miss Rainy” is already filled with worry, Billy barking orders and never doing anything. So let’s begin shall we?

First I would just like to do a quick review for those who didn’t see the Season premiere last week, which was called “Off the Grid”…I thought they always ‘believed’ they were off the grid always?

The wolf pack returns after a 3 month hiatus in Seattle. Billy explains he was there to see a Dr. who told him his seizures were in remission! That’s great! The ‘Billy Brown Syndrome’ is in remission…it’s back to Brownton Abbey to clean up what the elements and nature has ruined. It seems a cotton ball mold has infested their compound and Billy is again barking out the orders, doing absolutely nothing..nothing new here. Noah is still the dreary  “mechanical physicist” explaining why and how it became. They all decide that a symbolic cleansing is the appropriate thing to do. Everyone is determined to find garbage to keep and garbage to throw away. A bonfire is built by the always, never in one spot, Bear. They have the symbolic cleansing ready, and you would think everything would go in that bonfire, right? No! The ONLY thing burned is a soiled bedsheet…one soiled bedsheet! What?! On to the next great scene. Billy and Bam finally admit they are going to the slammer in the spring, of course Billy denies all charges against him and his boys, and begins to lecture the fault of Alaska. Billy, “I’d never cheat Alaska” still maintaining his innocence that he has homestead for more than 30 years here! Then in a weird cult like way, “arrogance for Brownton Abbey” says, “This is where we live, and make our stand…this is it!” I felt as if the next thing coming out was going to be a gun wrapped around his body with enough ammo to run anyone off their land! Theres more, but enough of Billy’s stand..lets move onto more of Billy’s stand in episode 2..shall we?

Last nights episode begins with the family, minus Noah, on their boat ‘The Integrity’..last week the Browns determined their skiff was no longer reliable and their mission is to do a job in order to get a new skiff. They made a homemade barge in order to pull a 1 ton vehicle along the strait. Now mind you, their barge is ‘homemade’…well that word I will use loosely, most words on ABP I have to use loosely, so it’s all hands on deck for this job.


The boys are doing their usual on ‘The Integrity’ running around and making sure their barge doesn’t sink, always in a state of panic. Bam explains how this job is something we’ve never done before, it seems every job is something they’ve never done before, anyway, so they wish Noah was there to help. They have to go to Hoonah to replace their current tow line, since their line will drag the vehicle down and most definitely sink..

Back at Brownton Abbey, work is in progress with Noah in charge, I guess he has to be in charge since he’s the only one there. His job is to work on the mold damage…I’m still amazed at this season being called “off the grid” Off the grid means nothing! No electricity! As we see Noah has more electricity to light up a town carnival! As I watch Noah and listen to his voice explaining what he’s doing and how, I want to drift off to sleep…so annoying. Back to the boat issue…

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The tow line is working and the icy strait is slow. We then start focusing on Rainy. Is this the same girl who claims to have never used makeup or even knew what nail decals were in previous episodes? This is either an imposter with a TON of makeup on or its just the typical ABP fib, I’d say the latter.image

Rainy believes she being the baby has been pampered far too much, you think? She now wants to help the boys with this job. They give in and now comes into play the vehicle we’ve been hearing about for a skiff.

‘Ground Hog Bay’, I’m assuming that’s the name of the area they’re in and not the owners name. Brown boys are picking up a 2000 lb car, jeep, from Todd and Natalie. Billy looks at that huge item, and starts thinking they can’t get it into the barge. Billy, “This is the biggest haul we’ve ever done (see, there’s that statement) and we have to get it in a barge we built, we need that skiff!” ‘Negative Nancy’ has come back again! In usual form, Billy decides that Ami is more important than helping with the job, (OF COURSE) she doesn’t feel well in her shoulder again and Billy exclaims, “I’m OFF THE JOB”! What else is new!! Bam says, “It’s up to us” and in Billy’s fashion, acting like he’s the only one doing this haul, says, “We have to have the new skiff!” Okay Billy, go, sit and watch, just watch Ami doing nothing but sitting under a blanket with her shoulder pain. imageI’ve seen Billy getting out of doing jobs before, but he’s literally watching Ami like she’ll disappear?

Back to the jeep…Bear, Snowbird, Bam, Matt, Gabe and Natalie are now collecting wood to build a ramp, so that the jeep will easily get onto the barge. 6 people, are going to glide a jeep onto planks of wood onto a barge?! Anyway..Bear in his usual form, who thinks every girl is after him, starts flirting with Natalie..not a whole lot of response from her..but that’s Bear.

Back at Brownton Abbey, Noah is describing how he is searching for love, since his heartbreak, last season. In the lower 48 he met a girl Corinna, but that’s not how it’s spelled, it’s Karryna! She just so happens to know someone in Alaska, that she just so happens to be visiting and is coming over to have a date with Noah. In typical Noah’s dates,  and the rest of the way the other boys dates go, he’s going to show her how to shot from a flat powered gun. All the bullets are, of course homemade round bullets. That’s how I’d want a date…

Back to the barge, and bringing a jeep onto it with planks of wood..the boys have given Rainy a job. She will be sitting in the drivers seat, putting the vehicle in neutral so it’s ‘easier’ to drive it down the hill. Only the wolf pack can come up with this! Bam says, “I’m so proud of Rainy she stepped up to the plate!” We see Billy again ‘watching Ami’, barking orders to Bam, and doing NOTHING!

Back at Brownton Abbey, Noah’s date arrives. As promised , he has built a shooting range with tree stumps as the target. What I found interesting was when Karryna steps off her little boat, Noah says, “I’m Noah, hi..” Didn’t they meet before? Very confusing…image image

The boys are pushing the car with Rainy at the helm and Natalie helping too. Bear still drooling over her. They finally get the jeep onto the barge, and is tugged behind ‘The Integrity’ by the new tow line. Billy still watching Ami..It’s getting dark and Bam wants to speed it up. Then all of a sudden Matt hears the ropes making stretching noises. Matt starts screaming, “We’re sinking it!” He sounds like a scene from the ‘Wizard of Oz’ Wicked Witch, “I’m melting, I’m melting..what a world..what a world…” Just had to add that. Billy is now not just barking orders but yelling orders, watching Ami and saying, “You know how important it is for this car to get to Hoonah..we need that skiff!” Bark, bark..woof..

Back at a lower key event..Noah’s date has to leave by nightfall. He shows her his sleeping area, and by the way she comments I’m not really sure if she thinks this family is crazy or if she admires them. We then see Noah has a little piano key board…when did he get this? Is this something allowed for “Off the grid”?image He tells her he’s going to sing her a “lost love song” from a girl that broke his heart, and away he starts singing. At this point I actually put my head down in embarrassment for his date..good lord. Karryna then says, “He definitely has a romantic side.” Noah then opens up to her about his his wounded heart..if looks could kill, Karryna would have killed him. Noah walks her back to the little boat and gives her a going away gift to remind her of him. Seeds, but not for planting…okay? She then says, “Noah is a unique person.” Again, is that good or bad? Into the setting sun she leaves.

‘The Integrity’ is now traveling under 4 knots and it’s still getting dark. Matt and Bam are fighting over how to travel. Matt says, “Every single time, Bam knocks me down and he picks the opposite of what I want! He’s my younger brother!” Wah wah wah..playground quarrels… The boys finally get to Hoonah, the jeep didn’t sink and now comes the challenging part. imageGetting a 2000 lb jeep off a barge and it’s going uphill. Discovery Channel always puts the biggest obstacles in their way, don’t they? This is all for a skiff! Dejected and defeated, Matt says, “This is too challenging we can’t do it.” Then in usual ABP form, out of the blue, a man comes to help with his vehicle towing the jeep with rope, off the barge. Same ending to every challenge, different day…Car is delivered and boom a new skiff! Happy, happy, joy, joy.

We are now coming to the end of last nights episode 2. Everyone is reunited at Brownton Abbey.  Ami doesn’t look like she had any problem with her shoulder, Billy says, “WE got the job done!” WE? No Billy that would be your boys and girls! Billy brings up another statement, “In all of 30 years we’ve always gotten the job done…” Watch it Billy…

The next day the family is standing beside their old skiff, we’re now having a goodbye send off with scenes from previous episodes of how great their little ‘gal’  worked. But in the end ‘she’ just couldn’t handle anything else…I’m going to cry! image imageThey are going to say goodbye to a skiff and burn it! Are you kidding?! Do I see tears of sadness or ‘ this is a dumb scene do we really have to do’. Noah pulls an arrow of fire into the skiff and leaves it to burn…and we’re over until next week!

We realize that ABP is a reality show, and as it turned out more of a ‘scandalous reality TV show’ From using titles “Off the grid” but showing every single item the lower 48 would use to live. From showing a man defiantly saying that “Alaska lied and we have been in Alaska over 30 years” to evidence he hasn’t. So for all the viewers who love to watch, and for all the others who hate but still watch, you most definitely are viewing for a reason, and that’s why we’re back!

Until next Friday…have a great week!!